Five tips to reignite your midlife confidence to make your life amazing
In your younger days, perhaps you brimmed with effortless confidence. Or maybe, your experience was more like mine and your confidence was built up gradually, piece by piece, through the decades.
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Whatever, the origins of your younger-you, self-confidence, have you noticed as you neared your menopause, that you watched helplessly as these feelings ebbed away through your fingertips?
For many of us, for a multitude of reasons, confidence can once again, become an issue as we battle the physical challenges, the conflicting demands of parents and teenage children, and our own concerns about aging and becoming invisible, that so often accompany midlife.
So here are my top five tips for reigniting your confidence, so you can fully step into the opportunities and challenges that this time of life poses.
1. No matter how hard we try, it’s impossible to think ourselves into confidence.
Confidence is won by taking action, taking steps forward (no matter how tiny), doing the presentations, throwing ourselves into the new group, wherever it is that we feel we need to be braver. And then it grows. So at some point, you have to resist any temptation to analyse why your confidence has taken a dip, put on your brave-woman pants and get out there and do whatever it is you’re resisting. We take action despite the fear and uncertainty and not wait until we’re feeling one hundred percent sure of ourselves because it’s unlikely that day will come.
2. Feeling unconfident always comes from our thinking.
“I can’t possibly do x”, “I’m not brave enough to do Y”.
As I teach my clients in my Calm Menopause Method programme, our feelings are always, always coming from our thinking. There is no other way for a feeling to arise.
But here’s what’s so wonderful (and our BIG opportunity for rebuilding our confidence), we don’t have to believe our thoughts. We don’t need to analyse them and we don’t’ have to try and uncover where they came from.
Simply take all your thoughts as not you and not true. In other words, don’t entertain them. See them as floating through your mind, impersonal and get on with your life.
3. A lack of confidence is part of being human and all of us at some point, question our abilities.
Those who push through are the ones that ignore their thoughts and keep on going, lack of confidence feelings, thoughts and all. When you are feeling wobbly, it’s really helpful to remember that everyone feels unsure of themselves at times and most of us are just good at putting on a good show of looking confident. So don’t judge your inside feelings against someone else’s external performance of bravery and self-assurance.
4. Remember although you may lack confidence, ultimately you do possess advantages over younger women
You’ve experienced life and it’s probably not going to take you too long to remember circumstances, situations, where although you struggled, you’ve been able to keep your head above water and in many cases, thrived.
Remind yourself of those times.
Give yourself permission to take on board that you probably came out stronger because of these rough times you’ve been through and use those past experiences to help you now.
5. Not caring what others think
For many of us at this age, there is also another unexpected advantage of getting a little older (and hopefully wiser) that makes it easier to overcome a lack of confidence and that’s our increasing lack of interest in other peoples’ opinions about what we do or say. Ask yourself the question “ Are you really that interested anymore what people think of you?” You might be pleasantly surprised with the answer and in that direction surely lies freedom.
So here’s the quick Reignite your Confidence summary so that you can get out there and grab hold of all the opportunities this time of life can give us
Don’t over analyse or overthink your lack of confidence
No matter how overwhelmed you feel about a lack of confidence, keep taking action or steps forward. Don’t waste your time waiting until you feel invincible. Do it anyway.
Don’t take these self-doubts seriously and remember that you are always so much more than a lack of confidence. You are a strong and vibrant woman with so many strengths and abilities and yes, it really is time for you to get out there and put those big girl pants on.
Notice how you are not even that bothered anymore what other people think because you know, that it’s time to live bigger and bolder.