It’s time to be daring and brave and ditch the limitations.
Were you ever paralysed by concerns about what others thought of you when you were younger?
Have you noticed you care less these days about anyone else’s opinion about your life, your looks, or your choices?
What I love in myself at this midlife age and you may have noticed it too, is I’m far more interested in what delights me, what I want to do and less bothered by criticism ( real or imagined) from other people.
The younger version of me was always so worried about fitting in, being normal and not making a fool of myself. Heaven forbid that I did anything too original or adventurous in case I slipped on the banana skin of life.
But as the years have passed, I’ve realized that people are so caught up in themselves, that most of the time, they’re not going to be even giving a passing thought to what we’re doing.
And even if they are and have an opinion, well – there are a 1001 opinions that others may have about me, some positive, others less favourable and so what?
A while ago, I had a negative comment about a piece I had written. My initial reaction was upset, then anger and then paralysis.
I didn’t write again for months.
But eventually I realised that some people are going to love my writing, others are going to hate it and doing it for me, because it’s something I want to bring out into the world, that’s the best policy.
And in a sense, no comment, good or bad is the point.
I write as a creative impulse, because something in me needs to be expressed, not to achieve a certain aim or goal (although winning an award as Midlife Wonderful Writer of the Year would be wonderful), it’s not my why.
Now, I’ve noticed that with just the passing of a few more years, I feel even less concerned and it’s incredibly freeing.
I started ice skating a few years ago and couldn’t give a monkey’s fig how funny I look falling over all the time (very, I suspect). And, I say this as an incredibly self-conscious youngster, this is an amazing gift.
Coupled with the sense that our time is finite, we can get a sudden shot of the daring, bolder and brave juice in midlife.
But perhaps you’re worried about making a mistake.
Again, I’ve got you covered.
Because haven’t you noticed that much of what seemed at the time, your most heart-stopping mistakes, turned out in hindsight, to be incredible gifts in some way.
Even if now they still make you cringe.
So I’d encourage you to start thinking bigger and bolder.
Be brave, courageous and daring.
It can be easy to see midlife as all doom and gloom.
So simple to feel it’s the time when the door to our youth slams firmly shut and the one to old age and frailty opens with a slow, ominous creak.
The menopause, weight gain, lower energy, sagging bits, empty nest can all make us feel gloomy about our life and unsure about our future
And yet there are plenty of examples of women our age who are out there showing up at midlife stronger and more vibrant than ever.
They’re out there creating second careers after the children have gone, pushing back our expectations of what’s physically possible, showing up as beautiful, powerful and energetic women.
So can you.
I firmly believe that midlife can be a powerful time to reassess where we are and where we want to go. It’s as if nature has provided a ready-made breathing space for us to do this. As menopause reminds us physically that our creative powers are no longer required for birthing the next generation, we can also take the time to mentally and emotionally take stock.
It’s not always easy. To embrace the new, we first have to be willing to let go of the old. We’re told that when one door closes, another one opens but sometimes it can be flipping uncomfortable waiting in the hallway.
That feeling of being in limbo, of being caught between the world of youth and the world of age, is what can make so many of feel as if we’re stuck, at this point in our lives.
Yet I prefer the term “resting”, rather than “stuck”.
Seeing it as a time to gather ourselves to prepare for the next stage when we have the potential to show the world fully, what we’re made of and who we are, powerfully, completely present.
This is the perfect time, for us to stop and think about how we want to live our life in the next phase, who we want to be.
And there may be less limitations on this than we initially think.
So you want to dye your hair purple, take off to explore the world, start a wild new hobby? Go ahead, why not?
Reinvent yourself, embrace the parts of yourself you haven’t yet explored, play with all of it, take it lightly. Change is constant and the only mistakes you can make are in not exploring and experimenting.
Ditch any concerns you might have about having left it too late, being too old – throw away any restrictions and limitations and allow yourself the freedom to create the life you want.
The point is that these limitations about what we can and can’t do are in our mind, they’re those little niggling thoughts that sneak into our awareness.
Don’t overthink them, drop them. Don’t waste your time analysing them or wondering where they came from. Instead turn your attention to thinking bigger, to living without limitation.
Notice when you place restrictions on yourself, be open to ignoring them and remember you have full permission to live a life that is rich and full.
Give yourself the freedom and space at midlife to explore what that’s going to look like for you and have fun with it.