Why you might be knocking on the wrong door for happiness
My brother in law was shocked to see a hoard of diving equipment stacked neatly against the wall in my grandmother’s house, but this wasn’t the time to investigate further.
He had to get the front door open.
My grandmother spent her whole adult life living in a very old, tall, house. When she became very elderly she became a little deaf but she always phoned my mother on a Sunday evening to assure all was well.
One week, there was no call.
My mother became increasingly frantic when she couldn’t get any response and my stepfather and brother-in-law were dispatched to investigate.
There was no answer to their fist-pounds on the door so the police advised them to force their way in through the back door. And that was when my brother- in-law discovered the diving equipment.
Rushing past, he flung open the front door and was surprised to see there was no one waiting outside. He leaned out into the street. My stepfather and the police officer were standing outside a house a few doors further down.
He hadn’t realised the back gardens of the houses sloped back at an angle and he had broken into the wrong house!
Thankfully all was well with my grandmother and my brother-in-law eventually recovered from his embarrassment.
But this story illustrates how so often we make similar mistakes when looking for happiness and contentment. We knock on the same door time after time, thinking it’s the answer to all our craving and searching for that one thing that’s going to make us happy forever.
We think the new home, the expensive holiday, the snazzy car will bring an end to the suffering of lack and wanting.
And yes, they certainly bring a short-term thrill.
Think of even more simple pleasures – a walk in the woods, laughing with a friend. These can bring a calmer pleasure.
All of these examples, from the materialistic quick shot to the more experiential pleasures of the soul, all seem to lift our mood. And there is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying them for what they are.
But do they really make us happy? Could it be that we too are knocking on the wrong door?
It’s an easy and understandable assumption to make.
We’re taught from such a young age that what’s “out there” can make us happy, sad, angry or peaceful.
The excitement of a birthday party makes us happy, the dreary, long, rainy wet afternoon lead to boredom and frustration.
the truth is, there is nothing outside us that has the power to make us feel anything.
But what if this is one huge mistake? Because the truth is, there is nothing outside us that has the power to make us feel anything.
We’ve all come across people who are gloomy sat on a beautiful beach. We all know of those who remain cheery and upbeat despite difficult circumstances.
Because it’s never the “what’s out there” that effects our mind. I know it looks that way, because it’s become such an ingrained habit of ours but our feelings come from another source.
Our feelings come directly from our thoughts.
Compare stuck in traffic = “I’m going to be late, I’ll be in such trouble. I can’t stop myself getting worried.” with stuck in traffic = “I’m going to be late but I’ll sit here and take a chance to relax”.
So our happiness is created by our thoughts.
Turn your attention away from the lure of the outside world, for a moment, to the inwards, to you.
Turn your attention away from the lure of the outside world, for a moment, to the inwards, to you.
Your chance to experiment
Up for an experiment?
Don’t take my word for this if it’s all shockingly new. Start to play detective to your thoughts.
Mentally stand back and create a little space between them and notice what your thoughts are as the emotions come and go.
Observe how some days your work can make you angry, on others, elated. Pay attention to how your partner’s jokes can seem funny in one moment and irritating the next.
Start to listen to what’s going on in your head.
To find happiness, don’t knock on the door of trying to gain things or control your outside world, knock on the door instead of turning inwards and noticing your own inner world.
This is where true happiness is created or destroyed.