My top ten tips for dealing with overwhelm and how to cope when life gets tough
It’s a well-known fact that when things go wrong in life, they don’t tend to happen in an orderly queue, one at a time. No, Like buses, problems and difficulties are apt to come together in groups leaving us feeling overwhelmed, hopeless and bewildered.
In my own life, I’ve had times when I’ve been beset by financial and health difficulties in the family, at the same time as a ceiling collapse (yes this really did happen) and a sick dog which left me with only the energy and mental capacity for fire-fighting.
However, with age comes a little more experience and perspective and over the years when these situations hit, there are a number of strategies I’ve found really helpful to maintain my sanity and to navigate my way through life until I reach calmer waters.
All shall be well, all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.” Julian of Norwich
My top tips to deal with overwhelm
Content
Remind yourself that there is a season to all things
Become aware of and limit your overthinking
Keep your attention focused on the present moment
Quieten your mind
Keep taking small steps forward
Take care of your physical body
Spend time in nature, get outside every day
Reach out to others for support
Limit your time on social media
Take courage from the challenges you’ve already faced
1.Remind yourself there is a season to all things
The wheel of fortune is always turning, the never-ending cycle of good times, and bad times. Please take comfort in the knowledge that nothing lasts forever. Even though you might feel stuck and static in the middle of difficulties, there’s always light, a new dawn. And when we look back on times of struggle, it’s so often that when everything seems most difficult that’s when the first sprigs of new hope were evident if only we knew how to see them. Everything passes.
2.Become aware of and limit your overthinking
I often think of the mind as being like a fairground. When it’s stressed and our thoughts are flying around, we’re taken spinning on a giant, frantic rollercoaster. There’s no space for silence, reflection or contemplation as thoughts dip and dive, weave backwards and forwards, jolting us up to the heavens and back down earthwards at a frantic, whirling pace.
Whilst we often fall into the trap of believing this type of thinking is helpful - that if we just think hard enough and for long enough, we’ll come up with the solutions to our problems, this never helps us when we’re feeling overwhelmed.
It adds to the problem.
It creates noise in our thinking, encourages repetitive thinking and limits our ability to create the space for new ideas and creative thought.
You can read more about this in my blog post The negative traps our thinking can fall into
Easier said than done! “Yes but how do I do this?” I can hear you cry. Well, in the next couple of points, I’ll share a couple of ideas that have helped me during troubled times.
3.Keep your attention focused on the present moment
There are clearly always times when we need to think ahead, to plan and organise our lives. This isn’t what I’m talking about here. What I’m referring to is the tendency to ruminate on the future.
“What am I going to do in three days/ four weeks/ five years time?”
“How am I going to cope?”
“What will I do if….?”
Not helpful!
Keep your focus on what’s happening right now and what action or steps you need to take next. A long-term focus can add to the overwhelm because as we all know there’s a never-ending list of steps and actions we are going to have to take at some point, hence the feeling of overwhelm.
Keep it right here, right now!
4.Quieten your mind
How you do this is a personal preference thing.
I like to take five minutes every now and again to take a deep breath, bring my attention to my body, notice where I’m holding tension and then breathe softness into that area. You might like to go for a high-intensity gym session, relax with yoga or simply spend time watching birds in the garden whilst you drink a hot mug of tea.
The choice is yours. But whatever you do, don’t feed the overthinking, noisy mind.
A calm mind is so valuable because it’s in these quiet spaces that you will suddenly have clarity about what to do next, and which steps to take. The mind-muddle will disappear.
5. Keep taking small steps forward
Allow yourself time to recuperate and regather your strength when you need to, but keep moving forward when you can. Tiny steps are all that’s required.
Problems don’t need to be solved all in one go, seemingly unsurmountable difficulties can be resolved if you take it a moment at a time.
Get into the habit of asking yourself “What step or action do I need to take right now?” And that might mean backing off for a time and sleeping for an hour or it might require something more active. Start trusting that inner voice that will guide you gently and softly through the process.
6.Take care of your physical body
Now is most definitely NOT the time to commit to a new punishing physical regime, a strict diet or anything that is going to put your physical body under extra pressure. Treat your body with the exquisite care that you would lavish on a sick child.
Make it a priority to feed yourself nutritious food, rest, and don’t beat yourself up mentally if sleep eludes you.
Just do what you can, without judgment or self-blame.
7. Spend time in nature, get outside every day
Don’t underestimate the power of a walk, a cycle ride through country lanes or sitting for a quiet moment of reflection on a park bench. The critical point is to get outside, get some fresh air and weather permitting, top-up of vitamin D.
During a recent episode when my daughter was unwell for months, my go-to daily respite was to swim in a lake for an hour each day. There’s nothing like embracing chilly water (and I do understand this isn’t everyone’s idea of fun) to narrow your focus from the current concerns and worries of your life to total and complete submersion (excuse the pun) in this one moment.
Nature’s restorative powers have the ability to restore our sanity and sense of perspective.
8. Reach out to others for support
Despite my hermit-like tendencies and a proclivity to hide myself away when times are bad, I know that reaching out to others when I’m struggling helps me gain perspective and reminds me that we’re never alone during tough times.
It’s perfectly ok to want comfort from others and those you love will want to help.
Talking through what you’re facing with someone you trust can help you feel less isolated and provide a much-needed emotional hug.
Don’t struggle on your own.
9.Limit your time on social media
Social media can be a fantastic way to keep in touch with others and it has it’s uses. But whilst when life is going well, it’s easy to see through the happy, shiny sanitised versions of everyone else’s life it can be trickier to question this when you’re struggling yourself.
Limit your time on social media.
Give yourself a break if only for a short time and keep focused in the reality of life where everyone struggles at some point and glossy, sun-shining days are for all of us, only part of the picture.
10. Take courage from the challenges you’ve already faced
If you’ve spent even more than a few years on this planet, I can guarantee that you’ve already faced challenges and difficulties that you’ve survived or resolved. Remind yourself of the skills and courage you already possess. You’re not some hapless wimp who folds under the slightest pressure.
You’ve seen life, you’ve been here before.
And survived, sometimes thrived but you’ve lived to fight another day. Don’t underestimate your ability to deal with the challenges of life.
You’ve got this!
Conclusion
So I hope these ideas have brought you comfort if you’re struggling with overwhelm. Remember, nothing is forever and when we look back, it’s so often the situations and difficulties that have brought us the biggest challenges that in hindsight, offer us the greatest potential for sharpening our resilience and growth.
Trust you have this.